Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
