Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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