Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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