I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
