Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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