What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
