i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
