I got chris browned last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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