one two three fourrrrnication!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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