I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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