You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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