Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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