Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
