i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
