If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
