guys are not supposed to queef...right?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
