You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
