On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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