GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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