She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
