So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
