my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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