You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
