I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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