I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Let's get the cat blown out
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
