So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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