So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
