This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
40s are totally the cure
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
