just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
