Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
