Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
