So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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