Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
