Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
