Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
