Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do vagina's smell?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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