Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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