The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
