How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
