she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
