I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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