My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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