You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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