That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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