I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
