508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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