If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
