Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
