You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
