You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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