My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
