when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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