I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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