we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
