3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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